Image by MarkyBon via Flickr
Today I’ll tackle items eleven through fifteen on the “List of 100 Things to do Before You Die”. This is a list that I sometimes think may have been put together by a chimp wrestling with an ostrich on top of a keyboard. Skinny-dipping at midnight in the South of France, really?
Number eleven on the list is “Tell someone the story of your life, sparing no details”. Come on, if I did that then I wouldn’t have any friends to invite to the “huge party” mentioned in item number two. Not even my closest friends and relatives would want to hear every detail of my life. I’m pretty sure even I would fall asleep or through myself off the nearest bridge, high building or cliff. I’m sure you get the picture. Life stories are best written down so those around you can make the choice of picking it up to read or not.
Coming in at number twelve is, “Make love on a forest floor.” In theory this may sound good until you start thinking about sticks and stones. And then there are the numerous bugs and creepy crawly things that inhabit the forest floor. What would you do if a bear or mountain lion decided to visit your little soiree in the woods? There would be more pulled muscles than on the first day of spring in your hometown gym. What do you do about the occasional hiker that happens by? To me this sounds more like making love in a minefield, too many things could explode.
Item thirteen is, “Make love on a train”. Let me mention conductors, other passengers, children, and uncomfortable surroundings. I’ll also refer you back to the above paragraph and the comparison to a minefield. Although after reading this I do believe the next time I ride a train I’ll take some spray disinfectant for the seat and hand sanitizer just in case.
The fourteenth item on the list is, “Learn to rollerblade”. I tried this back when I was much younger. The sore knees, road rash covered arms, and bruised gluteus-maximus are now things I associate with rollerblading. My ankles probably took the most abuse. If you are going to learn to rollerblade, do while you’re young.
Rounding out the top fifteen is “Own a room with a view”. A view of what? I know that usually this phrase is used for rooms that are offered for rent, in other words, a view of the ocean instead of the parking-lot. There are several rooms in my home that I consider have great views. From my family room and bedroom I can look out over my back yard. It is lined with trees and full of wildlife. From the living room and dining room I can see my daughter’s house. This, to me, is a great view. So, this item is all a matter of perspective. I can say, without a doubt, I own a room with a view.
This group of five contains some items that are definitely interesting but also dangerous. Anytime you take your clothes off outside of your home you are just asking for trouble. I can hear the emergency room conversation now
“Sir, how did this happen?” the nurse asks.
“Well, it’s really hard to explain”, you answer.
“Everyone is waiting for you answer. It’s not every day we have to remove a squirrel from someone’s butthole.”
Until I belly up to the laptop again, aloha.